Women should invest in the bed and shoes

Women should invest in bed and shoes because they are either in one or the other – said once magical and logical Joan Collins. Shoes are my investment, but when it comes to beds, I have been craving new bedding lately because the rustling and alluring or just imperative durability of the bed inspires. I was inspired by a lot of things this summer, but let us start with pleasure. Lying in the sun at last and bored watching the bathing suits, kaftans, towels, and bodies around me, I enjoyed the rest. But something always enters the scene when you least expect it.

So it was with a body that instantly occupied the attention of the female part of the sun lizards (literally and figuratively). You look, and you can not believe your eyes. You fix your hat, adjust your sunglasses, and check again. It is here, stands on a rock in revived modern (so to speak) speedo shorts, and looks out to sea. He seems preoccupied with just that. And all the women nearby are equally preoccupied with just that, or just him. I notice that some young girls have started whispering to each other and, I think to myself he will not stay occupied with the sea for long. But he stands and exposes his tanned body to the views, and I think of the commercial, some similar scene I am watching. Just in case, I check myself a little in the reflection of the cell phone: mouth, smile, general appearance.

Belly. Euphemism! And I sing happily to myself: like two bellies they were so happy. I am entertaining myself. The whisperer girls have similar bodies as Adonis on the rock but the female package. One oval and one slightly rectangle according to body shape analysis. And I think how I can exactly predict (because you never stop being an image consultant once you master the knowledge) in which places they will gain weight over the years and which model of clothing will fit them. Oh, how I love those analyzes that can make any woman’s body a more perfect and harmonious but clothed edition. And through my head pass my clients who, I believe, flaunt themselves among friends, perhaps even hiding the origins of the advice I have conveyed to them and for which I receive thanks emails daily. It makes me happy.

Looking at these young girls around me, I think about how they would react if I advised them now. How willing are they to listen and change in these years? They are still young and slender, but they will come to mine for sure, but I to theirs no more. Here I am in a good mood, aware of the skills and knowledge that I master sovereignly. Fachidiot. Nobody is perfect. And the gaze itself finds a direction that refutes me. Pure perfection stands on a rock. The body just like that, long defined muscles, fine buttocks (the rest I did not see, he had his back turned), height maybe 185, not muscle-bound, nicely built, harmonious and almost divine here on the rock. What all the women who dared to peek around must have explored is that he is alone. No pendant, anywhere. Museum rarity. But after looking at the sea and posing enough, he turned to look for someone. And he saw. At one end of my brain, I thought, certainly a man.

But she approached, in small steps, shyly. She had a leopard print skirt on tiny pleats. The upper part of the body was hidden by a pink T-shirt on a V-neck. Decorated with small glittering stones that shimmered. And above all, probably wanting not to be exposed to too much dangerous sunlight, she switched the turquoise scarf with tassels. As she approached, I also noticed her colorful full-heeled sandals adorned with rhinestones again. She gathered her blond curly hair into a casual bun with a clasp. My amazement would not have ended if she had not gone in his direction, but this way, it was a sure hit of the day.

I wondered what happened to that famous sentence by Coco Chanel, who said that before we go out, we still take one thing off ourselves, and she meant something from accessories like scarves, gloves, bracelets, earrings, maybe belts. So I was cut off by the thought less is more. I decided to stop staring, but it was hard because his smile widened as she approached. And with that dynamic, the pupils of the observers widened too. He greeted her with outstretched arms, and she grabbed the ends of the turquoise scarf on her with her hands and wrapped it around his waist. A scene like from a movie. She is like a rare kind of fashion debacle, and he is in speedo shorts on a rock by the sea.

I recently received a mail with a very detailed scheme that connects the flow of thoughts of the female and male brain, in which every male thought ends with sex, and the female significantly differently. But after the male brain directs its thoughts to buy new shoes for her, then her thoughts also lead to sex. So women should invest (in some way) in shoes and bed because they are either in one or the other. And love conquers all.


TEXT – Andreja Horvatic